Announcement, 2/2

(Continued from yesterday’s post.)

n.b. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Human Design, feel free to skim this, as it presumes some knowledge, or substitute comparable analogies that allow the ideas to still make sense for you. Feel free to get in touch with me if you want to learn more about the HD system.

I have long struggled with trusting that resources will flow; but this is, I am recognizing lately, the result of powerful conditioning of my root and sacral centers. In league with Reflectors, my type is uniquely primed to take on, absorb, amplify, and distort such not-self dramas as poverty consciousness.

I’m a 6/2 Mental Projector. With no energy gates, I have no access to sacral energy on my own. My aura penetrates into the energy of others, using their energy in order to see and guide them. I do not have consistent access to energy the way a Generator (70%+ of the population) does. With no centers defined below the third eye, I am the equivalent of an energetic sitting duck. With intense vulnerability to others comes the capacity for immense wisdom: I can see and feel and know the deepest fears, desires, and intentions of most people that enter my energy field (i.e., who get within six feet of me). In addition to the tendency to freak people out, it is from this immediate knowledge that I am able to fulfill my design and to guide others.

And although I have a strategy (like all Projectors, it is wait for the invitation), the authority of my particular type (the shot-caller) is an issue. I’m exclusively working with the crown and third eye, and have nothing ‘turned on’ in the entire rest of the Bodygraph. The mind, that alleged enemy of trendy spiritualists, that dualistic concept that has done nothing but harm the natural beauty and power of the body, the thing we do drugs and meditation and yoga to get away from – my mind is capable of being an authority for others. But not for myself.

When you calculate the Bodygraph of a Mental Projector, the Authority it spits out is not sacral, splenic, ego, or any of the standard cues that the majority of people get: “go with your gut” and “do what your heart tells you” are two common ways the culture has digested these authorities. The Mental Projector’s chart reads, “Authority: None / Outer.” Outer? Environmental? Mental... Less than 0.5% of the world has no authority. Most people (when healthy, when acting in alignment) can rely on signals from their gut or their spleen. Not so for the Mental Projector. Having none of my own, I absorb and reflect the gut, spleen, heart, and ego of those who I am with when I am with them. As for my ‘true’ self, or who I am when I am me?—Where I am is what and who I am. The energetic cocktail of any given environment – what I am taking in with my senses, how a space makes me feel – is the only indicator of whether I will be able to make a correct decision or not.

If it’s not obvious from the muddy circularity of this writing, I am still skeptical of and confused by this cranny of Human Design. The information available on the internet is 90% pop generalizations and 10% extremely intricate, complicated, jargony densities put out by coaches (many who are themselves Projectors, and want to create exclusive content for our type) who are fishing for clients. I cannot rationalize $1200 for a handful of video calls with a stranger on this topic, although I am continuously stymied by this issue of authority, and believe it is going to be crucial for me to understand as I transition out of wageslave academia and into the world of empowered and self-responsible artistry.

I didn’t mean to get off on this tangent, I just wanted to excuse myself for the following change that I intended to announce about the flow of posts for Strength Reversed:

In order to honor the Projector’s inconsistent energy, and to walk the walk of a healing Saturnian without the necessary nourishing Cancerian upwelling to support the balance, although it frustrates me (not pleasurably) to do so, because I want outcome now, I want financial autonomy now, I want freedom from the university’s coming retaliation against strikers and my sense of the institutions’ heavy-handed gaslighting of emergent artists’ and scholars’ continued hardship—in order to honor my cycle, which requires inwardness and will have no public show, this cemented by Rowana showing up in another vision quest to tell me to leave well enough alone, despite the inner-child/shame-girl frolicking for the first time in memory in the clearing where we gathered to converse—I’m going to write here multiple times per week, but no longer hold myself to posting every day. This is my way of keeping this sustainable, and being responsible to myself (and to my readers) for sharing high-quality ‘content.’

If you have been reading and enjoying Strength Reversed, and intend to continue doing so into your holidays and the new year, please consider a paying subscription of $5-25/month. As mentioned, I am slowly but surely transitioning to sustainable, sane living as an artist and scholar who functions apart from the university, and without their strings compromising my integrity. Although I’m stoked on writing my dissertation—as of last week, I am officially Advanced to Candidacy!!—in the coming months and years, I am far more stoked (frothing, even) at the prospect of launching into a self-defined and self-respecting community (made of the dead and the living, near and far) of artmaking and spiritual practice. Thank you for being part of this.

image: Strength, reversed